Missing my mini-me

Calimanos Unite!

I have to be completely honest. The main highlight of the whole New York/Wedding trip, was being with all my siblings again. Especially the 3 youngest. I haven't seen them in 2.5 years and I always miss them the most. I miss Dustin and Brittany a lot too, don't get me wrong. It's just that I feel like I'm missing out on so much of the younger kids' lives. They're growing so fast and changing so much that it hurts my heart to think that I never get to see any of it.




Dusty and Brittany are all grown up now. Who they are today is who they've been for the past few years. They know who they are and they aren't going to change much in the years to come. It was awesome spending time with them and having all of us Calimano kids together again. It really doesn't get any easier being apart though. We haven't all lived together in about 7 years and I'm still not used to it. They're the people I miss most in my life. Along with Dustin, my siblings are the ones I love most in this world.



When I woke up on the day they were going to be flying in, I actually had butterflies in my stomach. I was excited and nervous. My biggest fear was that they would act shy around me and like they hardly knew me anymore. And that I would feel like I didn't know them either. It's never happened before but we had also never been apart for that long. I planned on seeing them everyday they were there and spending every possible moment with them to try to make up for lost time. Even though I knew, no matter how long I spend with them, it's never enough.

I was also afraid that when I saw how much they've grown I would start crying right there in the airport. And that wouldn't have been a good way to start our reunion week of joy. Plus, crying in public is embarrassing and I try not to do it at all.

All my fears left me though, as soon as the kids and I spotted each other. They completely bolted towards me with the biggest smiles on their jet lagged faces and I was bombarded with hugs and British accents. I cannot express in words, how happy I was at that moment. To see them and to see how happy they really were to see me. Brianna literally clung to me and I was really pleased to see that we were still playing favorites. Even though none of us have favorites of course. ;)

Dustin had my Nana's car and my Uncle Dennis, who came to the airport as well, had his. I, of course asked if I could steal the children away with us. My mom, of course, knew I would ask that and said yes. At this point I was so excited and happy that I was talking far too fast and too much to these poor tired kids. I don't think they minded too much since they were completely wired but Jadzia informed me that I talked too much.

But it was only the beginning.

That entire week I spent every day with my siblings except for the day after the wedding. I saw that they were very much the same but also very different. They've grown up so much and so wonderfully I could hardly believe it. I have never in my life met sweeter or better behaved kids. And I'm not just saying that because they're the loves of my life. They truly are amazing and I would be super lucky to have my own kids as wonderful as them. I give mucho credit to the fact that they're being raised by my mom who, even though she's waaaaay less strict these days, is very fair.

And also my step dad, who's pretty much the nicest guy on the planet and loves those kids to pieces.

Jadzia is the oldest of the "littles" and I think that's where I bonded with her. She's had to play oldest for the last few years and I really think she's grown from that. I don't know how, but she's actually gotten sweeter since the last time I saw her. She's the most talented person I know and can always make me laugh. And goodness gracious, has she gotten gorgeous! It's pretty crazy. She's also very protective of Brandon and Brianna. I got scolded a few times by her for mentioning things that may or may not have hurt their feelings. Then I felt very ashamed of myself!

Now, with Dusty and Brittany, I actually feel like I'm younger than them from time to time. They enjoy patting me on the head and treating me like I'm 5. Probably because they're 10 feet taller than me. But I have a feeling that soon Jadzia will be "older" than me as well.

When we were saying our goodbyes, Jadzia broke my heart the most. She seemed the most emotional and even told me that she wanted us to get a giant house for all of us siblings to live in together, which is actually a secret dream of mine. I feel a lot closer to her now because of that.

Brandon is still as sweet as ever. He's silly and then he's very serious and sensitive. And still very much Brittany's favorite. If we had faves that is. Which we don't.

He's a very cool little kid and has the best laugh I think I've ever heard. He laughs at Dustin's jokes so that's always fun for Dustin. lol He's very laid back and just a very understanding guy. I've always been able to talk to Brandon as if he were much much older. He just gets how people are feeling and why they feel that way. Now that he's 12, he feels a lot older and like he can't show his emotions as much. He's not as mushy as he used to be. I got weird looks from him every time I would roughly grab his face and plant a giant kiss on his cheek. But I'm excited to see what he's like as he gets even older.

And then there's my mini me. Brianna Rose. The girl was like a new accessory all week. She stuck to my side like glue and wouldn't unlink her arm from mine for a moment. I got pulled on and sat on every single day. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. I believe she's actually grown on me even more since that trip. I also think that she may have made her way into Dustin's heart as well. Never in my life have I seen a 9 year old break out into tears because she felt GUILTY that people were buying things for her and taking her to fun places. These kids didn't ask for a single thing they saw all day on our Manhattan trip. And we went to the Hershey's store, M&Ms store, and the ginormous Toys R Us. At one point, Brianna wanted to buy a Barbie paper dolls book (with her own allowance, no less) but then looked at the price (10 bucks) and quickly put it back on the shelf!! She claimed that it was far too much money! How many kids have you met that would do such a thing??

She continued to amaze me at the end of the night when she was miserably cold and tired and Dustin offered to buy her a I Love NY hoodie off the street. She started saying, "No. It's OK. I don't need it." I assured her that it was fine and we wanted to get it for her because we loved her. But that just made her cry because she felt bad that we were buying her things. Jim ended up buying her the hoodie which she felt better about, I guess. I then told her that she was my favorite and she informed me that it wasn't nice to have favorites.

Then there's Brittany and Dustyloo. They're grownups or whatever now. They're some of the best friends I could ever have. I'm proud of both of them and admire them soooo much. I wish I could have the motivation that Brittany has or even a smidgen of her talent. And I wish I could be as laid back as Dusty is and not worry about anything. Or even be as funny as him.

Oh, and I also hope he marries this girl. She's amazing and I love her and would like her to be my new sister-in-law. Yup.

I wish I knew the next time we'll all be together again. Money is a huge issue in all of this and I really wish it wasn't. I would love it if we were all at least within driving distance of each other. But at least now I know that no matter how far apart we are, we'll never feel disconnected from each other.

What I miss the most is you

Being away from Dustin for 3 weeks sucked major balls. It was just as bad as I thought it would be. During the day I was perfectly fine. Yea, I still missed him but I had many many distractions to keep me from getting too depressed.

But at night...that was the worst. I was used to having Dustin sleeping right next to me every night for the past two and a half years. Then, all of a sudden, I was in a different bed and he wasn't there. I cried myself to sleep the first week and I barely slept over 4 hours a night. It was pretty pathetic.

Things got better once we got the calling schedule down. Dustin would call me before he went to work on the weekdays which was about 4pm New York time. Then he would call me before he went to bed at night which was about 8 or 9pm NY time. On the weekends I didn't know when he'd call but I knew I'd be able to talk to him longer. It was a good system. But it didn't change the fact that he wasn't physically with me.

I had to handle a lot of the last minute wedding planning myself. I handled all the RSVPs and getting in touch with people that hadn't gotten in touch with me. I also did the guest list and seating chart. Jen, my maid of honor, helped me with the place cards, thank goodness. But I had to handle all my stress by myself. Without Dustin being there to hold me and comfort me and take care of things. I wish I could be like him and never get stressed over anything. My life would be so much simpler. And I wouldn't need Dustin as much.

It wasn't until Dustin got to NY and we were reunited, that I truly realized how much I really missed him. It sounds pretty lame and cheesy but, when he got there I felt as if there was a piece of my life restored to me. As if there was something totally missing in my heart and I didn't even realize until I had it back and thought to myself, "Oh wow, this is what it feels like to be happy."

I wasn't too surprised though. He is, after all, the love of my life and my ultimate best friend. All I have to do is think of his face and my world feels completely at peace and under control. I honestly don't think there's a single person out there that would be better for me. No one else in the world could make me this happy and content. No one understands me the way he does and I don't think anyone ever will. He's pretty much perfect.

Except he stinks nearly all the time.

I like food

Have you noticed that I take a lot of pictures of food?? Cause I just did recently. I'm slow sometimes. But I really like food. Especially pretty food. Here's some pictures of food from this last month in NY. I would've had a lot more if I didn't have a crappy camera and the lighting was better at certain places.

Burger at Max Brenner. Those waffle fries are actually sprinkled with cocoa powder. I'm convinced Jesus lives at this restaurant. More on it in a later post.

M&Ms!

Back up bitches! Hooray for NBC!

Chocolate rhubarb scone anyone? More on this wonderful place later as well.

A NY trip isn't complete without a trip to Nathan's for hot dogs (not pictured cause they're not exactly impressive to look at) and chili cheese fries.

Diarrhea Castle. Dustin never had it so he felt like we needed to go.

He was a little too happy I think.

I like tea in old timey grandma china teacups as well.

Hello gorgeous salad! You live in the same place as the tea and scones.

This is another gorgeous salad. But this one Brittany made on Mother's Day for our Nana and it was very yummy.

Oh Lordy. Mini cupcakes. Peanut butter & jelly, red velvet, and cookie dough. How could life get any better than this???

"Come to Max Brenner and I'll show you," says Jesus, King of the Jews.

That's all you get now. I hope you're hungry.

Growing up

This is something I grew up always seeing. Polka dotted sidewalks. It's a typical NY thing. I was used to it so I always just accepted it without a thought.

But I remember one day I actually thought about it and questioned my mom about it.

And my tiny young brain could not believe that those black dots covering everything were actually gum.

"But gum isn't black..."

I was very confused.

Now that I'm a big bad grown up, I can look at those same sidewalks and think to myself,

"New York is so poopy disgusting."

Tara's Wedding Tips & Things You Should Be Aware Of

-First off, don't attempt to plan a wedding that is all the way on the other side of the world. It just makes life that much more difficult.

-If you don't have boobs, don't expect any dress to fit right and totally don't expect any bra to stay up.

-Have a backup best man because your first choice may decide to ruin your life when he tells you a week before the wedding that he may not be able to make it. Then tell you 6 days before the wedding that he's totally gunna be there because it's your special day and he really needs to be there for you. And THEN he'll tell you 5 days before the wedding, that he wasn't able to find any plane tickets in his price range and (surprise surprise) he actually cannot make it to the wedding.

-Expect most people to be late to the wedding and even totally miss the whole dang ceremony.

-People will assume you know what your doing and will want you to tell them what to do and where to go. Appoint your mother-in-law to take control of such things. She handles large groups better.

-If you have people flying in from outta town, make sure they know what they are getting themselves into. Maybe send them some travel books beforehand. Or find a youtube video of people driving in New York.

-If you decide to have a day of sight seeing with both families, be sure to bring a friend along to keep you partially sane. Make sure her name is Kelly Braun.

-Expect chaos no matter what.

-Write things down. Make lots of lists of things to do, people to call and things you still need to pay for. It helps. A LOT.

-Don't kid yourself with the idea of a "bride diet". You'll start restricting sugar and then totally cave and eat more desserts than you ever have in your life. Just don't bother.

-Arrange to have an all night open bar at your wedding. Your guests will adore you for it. Plus, you'll need it.

-There will be at least one thing you'll regret or be disappointed about when you think back on your wedding day.

-Be prepared for your flower girl to have stage fright and almost back out of her duties.

-Heh...duties....

-Don't get your makeup professionally done unless you honestly suck at that kinda thing. Just go to a Sephora and buy Urban Decay's Eye Potion, Smashbox's Photo Finish, Benefit's Benetint, and a few Sephora brand eyeshadows and you're set. Then cry cause you just spent hundreds of dollars in one shot.

-Take multiple breaks from planning and go to a few BBQs and bars. Also, go see Star Trek. I insist.

-People won't RSVP because they are THAT damn lazy and want to ruin your life.

-As the big day draws near you will start to really lose your mind. You will hate everyone and think that everyone is out to get you and ruin your wedding on purpose. You will begin to compose a list of all the family and friends that are adding to the stress, and how you will kill them. Then you will laugh manically at the thought as your husband(fiance) tries to rub the knots out of your back.

-You will break down at least once. And it will not be cute.

-Buy the Bridal Bargains books. Oprah likes them and so does Tara.

-Buy an accordion folder to put all your important papers in.

-Expect members of your bridal party to not hear a word you say. Ever. You will have to repeat things over and over and over.

-Maybe avoid putting people with ADD in your bridal party.

-Appoint one of your ginger sisters to help you go to the bathroom without her knowing beforehand. Then walk over to where she's sitting and announce that she needs to hold your dress up while you pee. She'll be ever so grateful.

-Expect peeps that RSVPeed (hehe) to not show up. But don't be mad because they'll have valid excuses such as, "My grandfather just passed away" or "I was in the hospital with pneumonia".

-Your British "Spare Dad" will make everyone nearly cry with his amazingly personal and heartfelt speech during the ceremony. Hold it together girl!

-You will step on your wedding dress too many times to count. Other people will step on it as well and you will yell at them no matter who they are.

-Wedding day is actually Sigh of Relief day. Once the ceremony is over all you gots to think about is having fun and drinking vodka cranberries.

-Day after wedding day feels weird. You'll have nothing to think about. Your brain will actually be empty. You'll wake up feeling refreshed and awesome for the first time in over a year. Your muscles and joints will miraculously be healed. Your head will stop throbbing for the first time in a week. You won't hate people anymore. Life is good again.

Back on Asian soil

I got back to Okinawa two nights ago and I am happy to be home. It was a sigh of relief when we realized that we actually missed this place. It's pretty damn wonderful here and it totally feels like home. Our house, on the other hand, doesn't feel right. It doesn't suit us and just doesn't feel exactly homey. Kinda depressing but we'll get over it. We don't plan on living in this place the entire time we're here in Okinawa.

I blogged a grand total of ONE time during my trip. I was too busy and stressed to be bothered at all. So I will try to blog as much about the trip (that I can actually remember) as possible in the next couple of weeks. I'll probably just do a bunch of short-ish blogs about various things. And then a giant post about the whole reason we went to NY in the first place. Our wedding. I have quite a few pictures as well that I need to upload.

Besides all the stress of the wedding, I had an amazing time. It was so nice to be in New York for over a month and see basically everyone. I got to see people I haven't seen since I got kicked out and I got to hang out with some friends that I've kept in touch with the most. I learned how to ride the subway(finally) all by myself and did some majorly touristy things that us New Yorkers usually don't bother to do. I got to spend time with both my families and see them meet and interact with each other for the first time.

I guess I am glad we did this. I still don't wanna ever do it again and I still don't think planning a wedding is worth all the stress I went through. I ended up hating so many people in all of this as well. I even got to that point where I completely broke down and was screaming and hysterically crying at Dustin in the car, saying that I totally regretted my decision to have the wedding. It got that bad. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a total blast but had I known ahead of time all the crap I would go through to get there I wouldn't have had the thing at all.

But it was nice to see all of our friends and family together in one place and having fun. My main goal for the wedding was for it to be the best party I've ever thrown. And I think I accomplished that. Only little bro Brandon had a crappy time because he was overly tired and the music was making his head hurt. :( I felt pretty bad for him but I wished he had at least danced with me once.

Since we've been back:

-I scolded Dustin for leaving the house a mess and then proceeded to stress over how gross things were
-We found that, in our absence, ants AND ticks have taken over our house
-We haven't gotten Apollo back from the kennels yet because they have retarded hours. But we will be reunited in about an hour and I cannot wait!
-We bought a set of orange Rachel Ray cookware and I also passed out from the excitement
-We opened the gifts that people sent us from our Target.com registry and then I totally passed out from the excitement of even more brand new kitchen supplies
-It's waaaay more humid here than I could've ever imagined
-I've been waking up early and then getting sad because I miss the Littles and my Idahomies
-I've been having spurts of overwhelming excitement over the thought of our Tokyo Disney honeymoon (we may take a cruise as well!)

Now I gots to do some laundry and get ready for my Apollo to come home to me. Until laterzzzz.

I totally suck

I've been obsessed with this blog since starting and couldn't get through a week without posting at least 4 or 5 times. All that has changed since I landed here in New York two weeks ago. I have been busy with wedding plans and seeing friends and family.

I've also been too lazy to post. It never seemed like the right time. I have so much to write about and don't even know where to start. My brain has been all over the place since getting here and my anxiety and stress is through the roof. Things will get better once Dustin gets here in 6 days. He's good at calming me down just by being in the same room as me. I've been counting down the days until his arrival since I walked away from him at the Okinawa airport to go through security.

My flight here wasn't too bad. The first two went perfectly well and my neighbor sitting next to me from Tokyo to Washington D.C. was a delight. Thank goodness. But once I got to Washington D.C. all that changed. They cancelled my flight and I had to spend the night there. I was fine with this since I was deliriously tired from not sleeping for about 30 hours. When Dustin called me at the Sheraton later that night I kept telling him that I wasn't even tired and that I was thinking about going down to the 24 hour gym downstairs. He assured me that I was actually tired and needed to sleep. He turned out to be right. I was asleep as soon as I laid down.

The lame thing was, the flight from D.C. to NY was only 30 freakin' minutes long!! Lame.

Wedding plans are almost complete but until it's over I will not be calm. This wedding business is just too much for me. After this week I will feel a lot better since the seating chart will be handed in along with the final payment for the Astoria World Manor. Then we will be poor. But at least I'll be able to finally breathe. Maybe I'll even get excited for the wedding. Maybe not.

I'm more excited to see family. And to observe how my family and Dustin's family interact. I will be spying on them from a nearby bush.

New York better get ready!

So I leave tomorrow for New York and I am a complete ball of anxiety. I haven't been able to sleep too well in days because I am so afraid of what will happen to me when I'm away from Dustin. We haven't been a single day apart in over 2 years and I don't know if I can function without him. I may forget how to feed or dress myself properly. It's all very pathetic.

I've come to depend on him far too much. He's my number one source of entertainment! Thank goodness I have things to do and a lot of people to see when I get there. Otherwise I'd sit in bed all day and eventually become a vegetable. I know I'll probably be distracted all day by friends, family and the single fact that I'm back in the place I grew up in. It'll probably just have trouble going to sleep at night. But what else is new?

Despite all of this I am BEYOND excited to go back to New York. Especially since this will be the longest visit there since I moved in with Dustin over 3 years ago. Plus, I don't know the next chance I'll get to visit again. It's way too dang expensive to fly from Japan to NY. Don't do it. Unless you have to be a bride or a groom in a wedding there. Then you should probably show up.

I should be packing right now but I really don't want to. I started packing yesterday but got to a point where my suitcase was stuffed and I hadn't even packed my shoes or bathroom stuffs! Then I had a mini freak out party and walked away. I'm gunna have to take some stuff out and have Dustin bring it with him when he flies over on the 22nd. I always over pack but this time that's not the case. I actually counted exactly the right amount of clothing for a 6 week trip. Dustin suggested that I pack two weeks worth of clothes and just wash them and wear them 3 times.

I think he's losing his mind.

Wedding plans are....flowing. I guess. There are way too many bumps in the road for my liking. I will seriously never plan another wedding ever again. My kids can elope for all I care. I can honestly say that I HATE planning this wedding. No fun whatsoever. And people keep asking me if I have butterflies and if I'm all excited to get married. Uh...no. I'm stressed. I'm anxious because I have stage fright and I'm gunna stutter during my vows like there's no tomorrow. I'm excited for the reception party so I can finally eat what I want and dance like a maniac.

But getting married?? We're already married. And I didn't have butterflies the first time. I had stage fright and there was only like 8 people there! This time there's gunna be about 100 and I really don't know how I'm gunna handle everyone looking at me. Stupid Dustin doesn't have to walk down the aisle. He's so lucky. And THEN there's that first dance that's gunna be just awful. I would appreciate it if nobody watched that atrocity. We slow dance like we're in middle school. Lots of spinning around and stepping on toes. You will get dizzy just watching. And your feet will hurt.

I am looking forward to:
-Seeing the little sibs!!!
-Hanging with my Nana on the set of We Own The Night (more on that later)
-Being in Queens with my best friend since I was two, Jennifer
-Having real NY pizza
-Going to a mall since they don't have any here :(
-Visiting Green Street
-Cooking for younger bro, Dustyloo
-Chilling in Long Island with the cousinsssssss

Those things I'm the most excited for. And notice that they have nothing to do with the wedding. If I think about the wedding I start to dread my trip. And then I wanna eat cake but can't because of this stupid diet of trying to be healthy so I can still fit into my dress. Lame.

So the next time I post I will be in Queens! I plan on taking a lot of pictures on the way over. I have a layover in Tokyo for a few hours that I'm pretty physched for. Hopefully I don't get too lost.

And I don't know, maybe Dustin will feel the need to post about how he terribly misses his "Sweetie" (that would be me) and how he's forgotten how take care of himself without me being there. But probably not.

Wedding Invitation Fiasco

Ok, so maybe I'm overreacting just a tad but it really doesnt feel like it when I think about everything I've been through to get my wedding invitations out. It got to a point where I totally had a freak out party two days ago while Dustin was at work so that when he got home I ran into his arms completely sobbing and blubbering, "I'M DONE! I DONT EVER WANNA GET MARRIED!! I DONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE! I HATE WEDDINGS!"

He then laughed at me. I think hes just used to me being so dang dramatic all the flippin' time. But heres how I got to this point....

When we decided to have the big wedding in NY we knew we had to be realistic about it. Which meant being cheap. I'm ok with cheap as long as it doesnt look cheap. And white trash. And ugly. All of which my invitations turned out to be. But more on that later.

At first we were going to give my ginger sister the task of making our invites because shes the artsy sort and we would buy the kit for her and everything. She was all for it too. We changed our minds when we realized we would have to either send her all the addresses or she would have to send us all the invites for us to mail out. Too complicated for us. Then we decided to make them on our own computer...without an actual kit. I dont know how we were gunna do that but we changed our minds about spending money on a kit. One very important thing we needed also...a printer. Hooray. So we got super nerd Mark to come to Boise and tell us which printer to buy. While in Best Buy he informs us that the best way to approach the whole wedding invite thing is to get Microsoft Publisher to make everything and then put it on one of those portable computer file doo-hickeys (this is why we needed Mark) and then bring it to Fed-Ex Kinkos to print it. Problem solved.

Not so much. We made everything on the computer. I wanted to get it all printed out before we moved to Okinawa so that I only had to worry about getting addresses and mailing them when we got settled in. Dustin didnt want them to take up room in our suitcases. He won this one because I was preoccupied with the move and trying to control my hives. Thankyouverymuch. What we didnt think about was the fact that there may be no Fed-Ex Kinkos on the island. Luckily, we found two. One Camp Foster and one on Kadena AB. Awesome. It took us foreverrrrrrr to actually go to the one on Kadena and show them what we wanted. We did that in early January. We didnt get everything printed out until about 2 weeks ago. Basically the guy there was the biggest moron in the world and shouldnt have been working there if he had no friggin idea what an invitation looked like. And they advertised in big letters that one of their main things was WEDDING INVITATIONS! Whats the deal??

Anyways...we eventually got them. Great. They look like poop. The invite and the RSVP cards are ivory while the envelopes are pure white. The font had to be shrunk to fit so you can barely read them. Sorry guys but at this point I didnt really give a shit anymore. I just wanted them mailed out. Oh, I forgot to mention that the invitations and rsvps were printed on giant sheets of paper so that there were a few of them on one piece. Which means, Dustin has been staying at work on his breaks and using their giant cutty thingy to cut out the 88 invites and 88 rsvps. Hes still not done. Heres the best part too. We couldnt find envelopes big enough to fit everything. Isnt that wonderful? So I had to order some from amazon.com and that took about a week.

But then I had almost everything. The envelopes where here. They were stamped, addressed, filled and sealed. I spent about an hour on Tuesday doing that to about half of them. Thats how many actual invitations I had cut out. I put them in a nice neat pile where Dustin would find them and be able to mail them out the next day. Then I went on the computer. As I was researching potential parks for pictures I realized something.

I HAD FORGOTTEN TO PUT THE DIRECTIONALS INTO THE ENVELOPES.

Then I had my breakdown.

But you'll be glad to hear that Dustin came home and saved the day. We went to the BX, found little baby envelopes (so cute!), and put the directionals in those. So half of my friends and family are getting two envelopes in the mail. Just to make my wedding invitations that more ghetto. Seriously...they look so bad. And I dont even care. I really don't. I cant wait until this wedding business is over with.

Word to the wise....dont try to plan a wedding from the other side of the world. It just may kill you.

Also, the RSVP date is April 6th since I made those back in October. Try to get your rsvps in at least by the 26th. AT THE LATEST. I need to have them all before I head over to NY that same week. I dont expect them to be on time though. Its our fault that that date is right around the corner. Sorry again.

*shrug* I'm done with weddings.