100 blog entries is a pretty big deal to me. Even though I could've written way more by this time if I had been a bit more diligent. But I still think people should congratulate me. And I should congratulate anyone who has read all previous 99 entries. So, congrats! I'm glad this blog idea was a good one on my part and I shall continue to keep everyone up to date on our antics and my random thoughts.
It really is fun for me. It also helps that I have so many things to take pictures of here. I just feel the need to share everything with everyone because you have no idea how much I wish you all were here with us. Then you could experience everything for yourselves and realize it is as amazing as I make it out to be.
Once I realized that my 100th post was coming up, I knew right away what I was going to write about to make this blog really special.
About two weeks ago, my friend Michelle's mom passed away. She hadn't been doing well for awhile and Michelle let me know two days before she passed, that she was back in the hospital. She had been in and out of the hospital for the past year or so but I knew that this time it was more serious. Of course, I didn't want to think the worst so I just kept her in my prayers.
The morning I found out, I was getting ready to go to work and decided to quickly check Facebook to see if Michelle had left me any news on her mom's condition. After my computer freezing a few times and me restarting it, I was able to get on literally a minute before I had to walk out the door. That was just enough time to see a comment my friend Kristin left for Michelle about how wonderful her mother was.
I was in complete shock for awhile. No one close to me had ever died before. Well, besides my dog, Sasha but that's something entirely different. It felt very weird that someone I knew and cared about and had done so much for me in the past, could just be gone. Just like that. It still feels very surreal.
That day at work I had to start training one of the new girls. I fought tears back numerous times throughout the day and hated that I hadn't had time to call Michelle or even be sad the way I wanted to be. I ended up having to tell the new girl (Stephanie-who's totally rad by the way) what had happened in case I just lost all control and broke down. I didn't want to freak her out on her first day. Luckily, I was able to (barely) hold it together all day at work.
By the time I was in the car though, after Dustin picked me up, and I started to tell him what happened, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Michelle's mom was such an amazing person. Throughout high school, I spent a lot of my time at Michelle's house. That's where all the sleepovers and VMA parties were. That's the only place I watched scary movies, in the dark, holding hands with Michelle in complete terror, just to almost crap my pants when her parents swung the door open to reveal themselves wearing crazy wigs for God knows what reason.
Her mom cared about all of Michelle's friends as if they were her own. She's sewed my clothes, dyed my hair, and drove us everywhere. Even if it was a concert out of state. Dinner at Michelle's was always a great event for me because Michelle laughs at everything I say and her parents were just so laid back and fun. And man, was Mommy O'Brien sarcastic. Maybe even more than me.
She was extremely creative too. She made clothes like it was nothing. One year, Michelle and I took a "clothing and textiles" class at school and I couldn't believe how hard it was. I still have a pair of Harry Potter pajama pants where the crotch goes down to my knees. I have no idea how I did it. Mommy O'Brien made corsages for 6 of us girls, including Michelle and I, for prom. She used fake flowers and each corsage matched each of our dresses perfectly. They were amazing. I still have mine.
I remember for graduation she made Michelle a scrapbook of high school. A friend of ours was looking through it and said, "This is seriously the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life!" To which I smartly replied, "I don't know...puppies are pretty damn cute." Then Mommy O'Brien smacked me upside the head. It's stories like this that make me laugh and then bring me to start uncontrollably sobbing when I tell them to Dustin.
Here's another one. Michelle was having a birthday party and had invited a bunch of people I had just stopped being friends with. And when I don't like someone, I don't hide it. I arrived after everyone else, I don't remember why. When I knocked on the door Michelle's mom answered and before letting me in said sternly, "I have no-bake cheesecake inside. BE GOOD." And I could tell from her face that she meant for reals. She just knew me that well. And just so you know, I was good. I sat quietly off to the side and waited for my cheesecake.
I have so many things that remind me of Mommy O'Brien. A bracelet she gave me for graduation, recipe printouts, my sewn Breakfast Club shirt, numerous cards from various occasions. What I thought about the most though, was how I didn't make time to go see her when I was in NY in May. She was too sick to go to the wedding but sent a card with money anyways. I never even got to tell her thank you for it. I feel completely guilty about that.
Another thing I kept thinking was, if I was feeling this awful, I couldn't imagine how terrible Michelle must be feeling. And then I would start bawling all over again for my friend's loss. And THEN I would start thinking about how terrible her dad must be feeling. I just could not control my thoughts that day. Or the next day. I wasn't able to call Michelle until two days later when my phone finally decided to work.
I called with the intention of consoling her. It ended up being the other way around. I was crying over the phone and SHE was telling me that it would all be OK. I'm such a horrible friend. But I know her mom would only want us to think about the fun and hilarious times we had with her. And I try to do that but that's what makes it so hard to embrace the fact that she's gone. There won't be anymore fun and hilarious memories to make.
I'm glad Michelle's coping with it and I hope I can deal with it eventually. It seems wrong somehow to try and be happy sometimes but it's getting easier. Mommy O'Brien was such a amazingly caring, funny, strong woman and I'm sure she's touched so many more lives than just myself. I'm glad that Dustin got to meet her at least once so he could see how awesome she was. She's going to be missed by so many people but we were so lucky to have known her.
perfect blueberry muffin loaf
1 week ago
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I will always remember all the amazing memories we had with her. I think my favorite was when I came over to help Michelle set up for a party. I decided that I'd help fill the water balloons and Mommy O'Brien said, "just don't make a mess." Well, what's the first thing that happens... the balloon overfills and bursts all over the kitchen. I remember she just looked at me, shook her head, and then walked away laughing hysterically. That was a great day.
ReplyDeleteOh and then when we found out that my mom had dated her brother back when they were all in high school... that was interesting lol
There are countless memories that I could talk about, but when ou mentioned cheesecake I cried yet laughed at the same time, because i remember how she would always make sure she had cheesecake for you and her famous potatoes for mary. =)
She really was an amazing woman and I will never forget her. She'll always be my second mom and she'll always be in my heart <3
Although I wasn't fortunate enough to know "Mommy O'Brien", she sounds like an awesome woman. I hope that I've touched someone's life at least a smidgen of how she touched yours. You are very lucky.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I know it's hard to lose someone close to you. Remember the good times and continue to share those memories with others. That's the best way to honor someone so special, by never forgetting them.
Don't feel guilty for what you weren't able to do. She doesn't sound like the kind of person who would want you to feel badly. I'm sure if she's as awesome as you say, she understood and forgave you already.
Tara, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Michelle's family. What they say is true, time does heal all wounds. That's not to say that you will ever forget her, but in time, it will be easier when you speak about and remember her.
Love you,
Dena (mom-in-law or mil as I like to say for short)
P.S. Thanks for making me cry first thing in the morning when I am just getting to work. Nothing like ruining my make-up for the rest of the day! Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you that I have read all 99 previous posts and I truly appreciate all that you do to keep me (us) included in and updated on your lives. As I've already told both you and Dustin, I couldn't have picked a better wife for my son or a better daughter-in-law. When Daulton gets married, sometime WAY in the future, his wife will have to live up to a lot. You've set the bar high in the expectations that I now have for my other kids' future spouses. That's probably not a good thing. Too bad for them!
Love you,
Dena (mil)
Dearest Tara,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this, for writing about the impact she had on your life. The fact that you remember those things amazes me. At the time, those things didn't seem like a big thing, but they obviously were.
Don't feel guilty about not saying thank you or coming to see her. She knew you were thankful. You can't drive yourself crazy by thinking about things you should have done. You'll never deal with things that way. Just trust that she knew you were thankful and she understood that you were busy planning your wedding in May.
This entry made me laugh and cry simultaneously. I think what made the whole thing easier for me to deal with was the fact that I had watched what she went through the past year, namely over the past few weeks. I felt emotionally retarded at the wake and funeral. I was hardly crying, but again, I think this was because I saw what she went through and I knew that she wouldn't want me to cry. She suffered a lot; so much so that in her words, "I would never want to see my worst enemy go through this." When her time came, she was at peace. I want you to realize that. She really was suffering, in every sense of the word. She would NEVER want us to be overwhelmed with grief. I have complete faith in that. I'm not sure if I told you about this, but the day after she passed away, I was sitting in my living room, waiting for my dad to get ready so we could go to the funeral home and I randomly thought of an article in the newspaper she clipped years ago and stuck on the refrigerator. It was an anonymous poem called "Don't Stand at My Grave and Weep":
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds
In circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die
I hope you find some comfort in that.
Thank you, again. I hope you're doing alright.
<3 Michelle
Tara,
ReplyDeleteThank you, it makes things a little easier knowing how much our mom meant to people.
Dan
Hi Tara - This is Eileen, Patty's big sister. I have to thank you for beautiful tribute. Today was a very difficult day for me and reading this made me laugh and cry at the same tim. Patty was a very special person to all of us, she was always there when we needed her, most of the time even before we even knew we needed her. I know she'll always be with us and Michelle's right she wouldn't want us to overwhelmed with grief. She will forever be in our hearts. Thank you for making today a little easier.
ReplyDeleteHi Tara, This is Kathy, Mommy O'Brien's younger sister. Thanks so much for making your 100th blog so special. I was in the city today cheering on my niece, Laura, as she walked in the Avon Walk for the Cure. What a truly inspiring and humbling experience to see men and women walking for those who can't - some survivors themselves. A few walkers were wearing halos as they remembered the "angels" in their own lives. Patty was a guardian angel to so many people and I'm so happy to hear that she impacted your life as she did for so many others. She was truly an amazing woman, sister and friend and I will miss her every day but reading these great stories that you guys are sharing means the world to me and my family. Honor her memory by remembering the good times spent with her as we will all remember her courage and strength and always her sense of humor. Thanks again for sharing your stories - I hope you dance!
ReplyDelete